By: Creatrix Tiara

Oh God I feel for Joseph so much. First born outside Bangladesh, raised outside Bangladesh, doesn’t know much Bengali. I have an ambivalent relationship with Bangladesh – over there I feel as much of a strange alien as I do in Malaysia, Australia, the US. I didn’t really care for Bangladesh much at that age either because there was nothing there I could relate to, especially when age 11 was one of the worst years in my life in regards to racism (the Malaysian Government became really anti-Bangladeshi circa 1995 and people at school would transfer that to me. It was the first time I was suicidal. I was expected to justify the actions of scapegoated people from a culture I barely knew.)

I’m saddened that the OP’s solution seems to be “just accept your Chinese identity and all will be well” – how is he supposed to do that when the only contexts he experience Chinese-ness is through alienation or villification? How is he supposed to have pride for a place that doesn’t feel like home and right now seems to be more of a burden than a blessing? He keenly notices the hate he gets for being Chinese; of course he’s going to be resentful about it, especially if he feels that China doesn’t accept him either.